Over the past two days my heart has been exploding with absolute joy!!!
Since I've been a Christian, things have gotten pretty weird in my friendships.
I can only imagine how freaked out my friends are as they have watched me transform into someone I have never been. I love my friends so much but God was tugging on my heart to change my life style for Him, so I did. This means I did not go back home for the summer and I let go of the HUGE party scene I was apart of. Some friends have stuck by my side and some friends have distanced themselves but either way it has been very hard for me to watch them continue an empty lifestyle that I use to be so deeply rooted in. My heart broke for my friends during the few times I visited home over the summer. I use to think what we did was normal but God really changed my heart and showed me how broken it really was. My last visit I cried the whole way home because each and every conversation I had with a loved one I could hear and feel the sorrow and emptiness in them. I get a lot of "you seem so happy" and "you're so different" when I get back home and I want to scream at the top of my lungs, "IT'S BECAUSE I KNOW JESUS NOW," but I lack courage. I was trying to find "cool" ways to show Jesus to my friends but I just fell short. My heart was broken and I was so disappointed in myself because I couldn't be that light in my friend's lives.
After sharing this frustration to someone who is also from my hometown and use to be in that exact same friend group, we came to the conclusion that God is God and He is going to do what He's going to do. We can't do anything about that! Of course I fell short because I am not God! I felt very relieved to have come to this realization but my heart was still turning as I watched my friends spiral deeper into their lifestyles. I started a prayer journal where I wrote out every single friend and family member that I want to know Jesus (the list is long) but my very best friend was at the top of that list. This girl holds such a special place in my heart. I've seen her go through more than I've ever watched anyone go through and she comes out of it joking, laughing and dancing. I always envied her care-free spirit but loved being around it. She's not much of a serious person and I use to think, "ah, she's just fun and goofy, that's just her," but she really does push down all the junk in her life which is very unhealthy. She's a wild card and when I became a believer I wanted so badly for her to be one too but she really wasn't into it. We met at Young Life camp and we went to Wilderness (a Young Life mountain backpacking trip) the summer after our senior year. I will never ever forget my dearest best friend, who can never stay serious for more than 5 minutes, shed tears because she KNEW she was broken and something was missing. When I became a believer I started praying that one day she would start to listen to God when He calls her because I know in my heart He does.
Well people, she heard Him.
She texted me yesterday about how she feels like God is calling her to do more but she doesn't know what to do or how to talk to Him. She said that she feels sad all the time and she really believes that something is missing and that something is Jesus but she doesn't know the first step. Never in the 4 years of our friendship have I heard her cry out for The Lord like that and I know heaven was rejoicing with trumpet sounds! I couldn't believe that:
1) She wanted to ask me what the first step is.
2) God had answered my prayers.
I cannot wait for the day that the Holy Spirit fills up her life in ways that she cannot comprehend and I thank the Lord that He allowed me to be apart of it.
God is God and He's going to do what He's going to do.